Instead of Audry writing about something going on in our lives, about Xavier and the many cute and/or infuriating things that we’re experiencing, I’ve decided to hijack her blog in order to share some of the recent thoughts I’ve had.
Being a new father has been an odyssey to be sure, accidentally putting a hand in someone else’s poop is an experience that you never grow up imagining that you’ll have the privilege of doing. And to be honest, it is a privilege, not so much the poop part, that’s pretty nasty, but the moments that surround the experience. When we brought Xavier home, we didn’t think he’d ever stop screaming except to eat and sleep. The poor little guy screamed like he was on fire, and was being beaten at the same time. The nurse at the GI doctor was visibly and audibly impressed when she got the opportunity to witness a few minutes of his displeasure. I think that those early experiences have helped both Audry and I really appreciate what a happy baby looks like. I melt every time Xavier smiles at me. I laugh when he finds something especially funny, and I babble right back at him when he’s chattering like a chipmunk. To have come so far from the fire screaming to where we are now, in 4 short months, seems like a miracle, and I cannot wait to see where we are 4 months from now.
Thinking and reminiscing about the “good old days” (read: fire screaming) also got me to thinking about my wife, and the role that she has taken upon herself. Even before Xavier was born, we were both thinking that it would be best if Audry could stay home with him rather than have to go back to work after maternity leave or start looking for a new job. We felt that Audry should at least give it 3-4 months before she decided if she’d rather be working.
Sidenote: Of course by “we” I mean that I told Audry she do whichever she preferred, as I am not about to tell a very short (at the time very irritable and pregnant) woman what she was going to be doing with her life. That would have earned me “the look” as well as a beating, and as my dad has said in the past “Momma didn’t raise no fool”.
In the time since Xavier’s birth, I now find myself in a perpetual state of, well, awe. I am sometimes at a loss for words for how amazing Audry is, as a mother, and a wife. Her day starts at 7, mine starts at 7:30. By the time I get out of the shower, she’s already feeding Xavier, and that is the second (sometimes third) feeding she’s given him (the first is either at 2:30 or 4) that day. While I’m getting dressed, she’ll occasionally bring Xavier in so we can talk about our plans and the day before I toddle off to a cushy job where I get to talk to adults (mostly), drink pots of coffee, and sit on my ass for most of the day. Audry, on the other hand, spends the day entertaining Xavier, feeding Xavier, taking Xavier with her as she runs errands and goes about the business of running our house.
Once I get home, I sit down (again/more; take your pick) and entertain Xavier while Audry makes dinner. Once we eat, I play with Xavier until it’s time for his bath, or his last feeding (rereading this, it really sounds like my child is actually a pack of piranha). If it’s his bath, Audry takes him into the bathroom and spends a good 20 minutes letting him splash around while keeping him warm and getting the dried puke out of his hair. What am I doing you ask? I’m watching TV while surfing the internet, recharging from my very hard, very draining day. Once bathed, I typically give him his last feeding and then we trundle him off to bed.
To cap the evening off Audry gets to pump, while having a glass of wine, and then head off to bed around 9:30 while I stay up and….that’s right, watch the X-Files on Hulu and surf the internet until about midnight before the whole dance starts over.
The reason I write all this down is not to valiantly point out my numerous and impressive contributions around the house, but to point out all the things that Audry does because she loves her family (I hope). I know that I don’t tell her enough how much I appreciate what she does, and that I don’t help out around the house as much as I always mean to. I know that I spent my childhood, and tween years, and teenage years, and some of my twenties, taking for granted everything my own mother did for me. The mountains of laundry, the homework help, the consoling, taking care of me when I was sick (a rare occurrence, but apparently I’m somewhat whiny when it does happen), I could go on. I want to rectify that mistake, I want Audry to know that I appreciate her and I want my mom to know that I wasn’t a snot nosed ingrate (well I was, but not to the degree that she thinks).
Having a child of your own really does put things in perspective; you really notice what kind of sacrifices your parents made for your ungrateful ass. All the things they did for you, all the things they didn’t do because they had you. As a father, that perspective shift includes seeing your wife in a whole new light; as an amazing woman, who takes on a significantly larger piece of the child care duties with no complaints (and only occasional mental breakdowns), who constantly manages not only her own life, but mine and our son’s as well, and manages to make it all look effortless (which after staying home with Xavier for almost four whole hours by myself, I can tell you it’s not).
Originally I wanted to do something with Xavier to commemorate this, Audry’s first Mother’s day. I was thinking that I could steal an idea from Cassie and paint his feet and have him step on some poster board and have that framed, but alas, all of my paint in the garage is apparently past its prime (also, Audry took him with her to St. Louis). So, for this year, this blog posting will have to suffice.
Happy Mother’s day Audry. Happy Mother’s day Mom. And Happy Mother’s day to the rest of you mothers who might not get the outspoken recognition you deserve, but believe me, your husbands all feel the same way I do; pure, unadulterated, unfiltered awe.
PS. In case this doesn’t count as a Mother’s day gift, I’ve also sent an Amazon gift card to Audry’s email for Kindle books.
